Ask Jamie!

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Welcome to our advice column.  Please send your questions to thhsadvicecolumn@gmail.com.  You can anonymously submit your questions to thhsclassic.com; see the advice submission sidebar.

 

Question: My boyfriend and I have been together for the past two years, but next year, he’ll be moving on to college in a different state while I still remain in high school. How do I make the relationship work and what do I do if it doesn’t?

Answer: The first thing you have to do is share your concerns with your boyfriend in an honest and open way.  If he isn’t as sincere about making it work as you are, then you need to know.  Make sure that you aren’t too pushy about your desire to stay together.  Be straightforward and firm.  If you feel strongly that you want it to work, then there’s no need for you to get worked up while speaking with him about it.  The most imporant thing is to see where he stands. Your relationship won’t last next year if you’re the only one trying to make it work. If you both seem commited to trying to make it work, the two of you can spend the summer planning ways to stay in touch, meet up, and get through the difficult times that arise while he’s away.

One doesn’t have to have first-hand experience to recognize that long distance relationships aren’t easy, especially when the members of the couple are both still young, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe people who tell you it will never work.  It has for others and could for you.

 

Question: Lately I’ve realized that the group of friends I hang out with has been talking behind my back. School’s almost over and I don’t want to start trouble, but it’s been really hurtful. What do I do?

Answer: Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s truly your friend and who isn’t, but do you know when the problem started? Did you do anything to hurt your friends? Perhaps they’re retaliating.  Approach them without being accusatory, and ask to have an honest conversation about what’s going on.  If you get angry, you’ll fuel their issues with you, but if you sincerely try to make things right, they might listen. If they refuse to speak with you productively about what’s happened, then it seems like they’re not your true friends. It’s better to have a small amount of true friends rather than a large group of friends who don’t really care about you. Try talking to them and see what they have to say if you’re really concerned, but if they really cared about you, then they would have never talked behind your back in the first place. Although it can be hard to ignore, try to ignore it because the more you ignore it, the faster they’ll realize that it’s not bothering you and they’ll stop. However, if you see that the problem increases, then you need to involve a trusted adult at home or in the school community.

 

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